Thursday, March 13, 2008


My GF is now calling herslef Cracked Mirror, for this reason "In a world full of people, I am diffrent. In a hall full of mirrors, I am cracked"
How the hell did she get so deep? I mean, the chick is 12!
I wish I could be diffrent. All of the people I meet are lemmings- you might notice some small deviances, but on the whole, they're all the same. Nobody differs from their group of birth or choice, no one really tries in any way to be unconfornmist. Even Emos, who claim to have reached the peak of nonconformity, conform to each other. But Andy has achived it- true nonconformism, without total isolation. I don't know how she does it. And the hard truth is begging to hit me- no matter how hard I try, I am a lemming. A conformist. I am the same as everyone else in this small, pathetic world. I may to be diffrent, but in the end I can be labled, pinned down, given expectations and a formula for how I will react, respond, think, see the world in general. I am told how to walk, to stop, sit, stay, good girl. I do it al. And I do it all-without question.

I have a new goal.
My new goal is to STOP conforming.
To reach true nonconformity. I don't know HOW I' going to do this. I am NOT copying Andy on the chain pants- those are just awesome. Would people PLEASE stop saying that whenever I take an interest in something she's interested in, I'm copying her!? Sheesh. Can't people share interests?
But yes, back on conformity. Right here, right now, I am going to promise myslef something. My highest goal is nonconformity. My highest compliment will not be "you lost weight!" or "you look good today!" It will be the blank stare and shock when I break every rule I can break, when I try to break free of this cage which is chokeing all I do, all I say.

God, I love her to death, but at the same time, I am so jealous of Andrea I could rip her throat out.
I hope she didnt read that.

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