Saturday, May 30, 2009

Monolauge of roughly the last 4 and a half hours



Wow... day 3 of Summer Vacation and I'm bored. I need a graphing calculator. One of the rly good ones like M Black has.

That would be nice.
Or the Sims 3.
Or Left 4 Dead.
Or Fallout 3.
Or House seasons 1, 2, 3.
Or all of Voyager.

Lol, it's May-June and I'm making my Christmas list.


*sigh* bored... should ask Andy over... tomorrow. *sigh*
I've been awake for 4 and a half hours and I'm already tired again.

Maybe I should plug in my iPod. iPod is turning up as misspelled on this automatic spell checker.

Nah, I just want the calculator. I could make a text game where you die in increasingly interesting ways, depending on how long you survive the game. That would be fun.

I need to shower. When was the last time I showered? It was Wensday. What day is it today? Saturday? Shit. I need a shower. ARGH! I need to email my XO and the Flt Admiral, they're going to kill me. Ack.

I should go.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Until I'm Fixed

Well... I...


why does this always happen to me right before the summer? Why do my friends leave? Am I unlikeable? Do they see how broken I am, how no amount of patience could fix?

Mom wants me hospitilized. The reasoning is, I'm a danger to myself and to others. She says I need to be in an institution until I get better, until I get control. She told me I just had to say the word, and we'd be off. She said if I was ever that violent again, we'd be going, regardless.

The thing is, I want to go. I want every day to be structured, to know just where and when I'll be. To have a horde of kind people fixing me, taking the pieces and carefully gluing them back unto the whole. Until I'm better. Until I'm fixed. Day one of summer: I'm going. Goodbye.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Ah, Carp.

Mom: not as idiotic as I thought.

Cover: Blown

Sunday, May 17, 2009

The pathetic thing is
I have no reason to be in love, yet I am.
The pathetic thing is
I'm an activist for what I know is wrong.
The pathetic thing is
my family can never share my loves.
The pathetic thing is
I'm sure they'd rather I be pregnant.
The pathetic thing is
I am selfish and go instantly for what I want.
The pathetic things is
I pay no attention to the fact I hurt people on the way.
The pathetic thing is
I fish for attention and praise because I'm sure no one would give me any otherwise.
The pathetic thing is
I speak too much.
The pathetic thing is
I say I don't care, but three digits on a scale mean more to me than my next meal.
The pathetic thing is
I swallow pills to make me happy and still feel sad.
The pathetic thing is
I know my friends would find my life dull, so I make up exciting bits.
The pathetic thing is
I can't remember which lies I've told who.
The pathetic thing is
I only tell my most embarassing things, never the important ones.
The pathetic thing is
I always talk about myself, even when I don't mean to.
The pathetic thing is
I no longer care about school, I'm sure I'll just waste my money on Zoloft and Steam games.
The pathetic thing is
I can't manage relationships and dictate my friend's.
The pathetic thing is
NOT Andrea.

Monday, May 11, 2009

iPod Awnsers

Here we go.

1. Copy/paste questions
2. Set iPod on "shuffle"
3. For every question, the next song is your awnser.


If everyone says, "everything is well," what do you say?
Loose Lips- Kimya Dawson

What best describes your personality?
Spotlight- Mute Math

What suits you today?
Have To Drive- Amanda Palmer (True.... slow, depressing, and absorbed in the piano)

What is your goal in life?
I Hate You All- Smile Time (Uhhhh)

What is your motto?
Un American- Play Whenever (Sorta...)

What do your friends think of you?
Catholic Scars and Chocolate Bars- Flickerstick

What do you think about often?
What Can I Tell You?- Local H (YES!)

How much is 2 + 2?
Living Dead Girl- Rob Zombie (Ohkay then)

What do you think of your best friends?
Barely (If At All)- The Verve Pipe (True at the moment)

What do you think of the person you like?
That's The Way (My Love Is) - Smashing Pumpkins

What is the history of your life?
Still Alive- Portal (It's hard to overstate my satisfaction..... we do what we must, because, we can.... for the good of all of us, except the ones who are dead! But there's no sense crying over every mistake, you just keep on trying till u run out of cake! And the SCIENCE gets done and you make a neat gun for the people who are Still Alive!)

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Bruise Pristine- Placebo *Once More With Feeling* (Hey, that kinda makes sense!)

What will you do when you meet the person you like?
Crimes- A Perfect Circle (I do think of the M word, which is a CRIME)

What do your parents think of you?
Waking Up In Vegas- Katy Perry (WTF)

What will you dance to in your wedding?
Lucky Time- Local H (YES)

What music will play during your funeral?
I Know Your Name- Lemon Demon (YES)

What is your pastime?
Pest- A Perfect Circle

What is your biggest secret?
Dirty Business- The Dresden Dolls (Oddly appropriate)

What do you think of your friends?
Blue- A Perfect Circle (Ask me tomorrow and the awnser will be diff)

What is the worsProxy-Connection: keep-alive
Cache-Control: max-age=0

thing that could happen?
All Apologies- Nirvana

How will you die?
Slave To The Wage- Placebo

What is the only thing you regret?
Major Tom- I Hate Kate

What makes you laugh?
Weenie Beenie- Foo Fighters

What makes you cry?
The Spine Song- Cake Bake Betty

Who will you marry one day?
A Warm Place- Nine Inch Nails

What scares you the most?
All The Things She Said- T.A.T.U

Does anyone like you?
Castlevania- Minibosses (HUH?)

If you could go back in time, what would you change?
Big Man With A Gun- Nine Inch Nails

What hurts you now?
Dead Is The New Alive- Emilie Autumn

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Monday, May 4, 2009

That Was Awful

Worst day of the fucking year, and no-one can offer help.

Anyways: Sean, the bastard, is being a complete asshole to Benji and I. ("Benji smells bad! You can't hang out with him!") and complaining he's hungry all the fucking time but then, when you offer him food, says "no.... no..... I'm hungry....." and monopolizes Samantha's attention and is basically a jerkwad. I feel horrible about this and sob, and Sam tries to be comforting but can't because STB is around.
Then, in Drama, more drama. I have to play mediator for two diff. arguments.
No-one can offer helpful advice.

I haven't felt this bad since a year and some ago, but here I am, thinking what the FUCK am I gonna do!?