Saturday, November 15, 2008
I don;t even know where to start. I mean, I ask my mom to find me a cord that's HERS and in HER ROOM, and the FIRST thing she does is go storming into my room, throwing crap everyuwhere and "cleaning" when really all she does is hand me shit and say "put these in the trash!" so now I have like none of my crap and she's all "I can't find your cord, so I guess you'll never get to use the camera again." I said "I need to go into m y room and be ALONE" SHE was like *eye roll* "FINE! BE LIKE THAT!"
so can you tell i'm in a rip-everyone's-head-off mood? Fantasies of jumping out this window right now and leaving forever batter my mind... I'm not part of the solution, I'm part of the problem and the way you get rid of problems is deleteing them. FUCK!!!! I just need some friends who'll fucking be fucking NICE to me and get along with each fucking other and not fucking make fun of me or kick me or make me feel like SHIT for expressing myself and who'll not ask me every twelve godammed fucking seconds if I'm ok because I'm NOT OK but I dont want to fucking talk about!!!!!
I mean, I made a really really UNBELIVABLELY stupid decision, and I can't tell anyone, not even like my cousins, because FUCK it was so dumb and now I'm not.... well anyways, now I have to lie a bunch more and I can't tell anyone I can't tell anyone you better not tell anyone you little slut or I will rip you fucking head of you whore! All you want is sex, right? Slut!!!!
You didn't even enjoy it, did you? No, you didn't even KNOW them and they violated 47 of Tizri's Crimes Against Humanity and there were no fireworks and not even a crush there and oh god you whore why did you do this to me?!
It wasn't Edward and Bella or even Bella and Jacob, it was Bella and random guy in big city alley huh? SLUT I can't even BELIVE you fuck you I'll kill you all
I'LL KILL YOU ALL
I'LL KILL YOU ALL I'LL KILL YOU ALL AND YOU'LL BE DEAD AND I CAN MAKE BROWNIES AND PRETEND I'M STILL OK AND I CAN MAGICALLY STOP EATING JUNK AND BRUSH MY TEETH AND MABYE OH I DON'T KNOW MABYE MAKE IT STOP FEELING LIKE EVERY BREATH IS LIKE TRYING TO LIFT EIGHT HUNDRED POUND WEIGHTS!
Help me please. I can't do this anymore. Stop the planet of the apes, I want to get off! Everyone's acting like nothing's happened when EVERYTHING'S hasppened and oh my god and shoot me know bullet to the brainpan SQUISH haha!!!! then it'll all be gone and I'll be happy I can NEVER date again, let alone think about NO DONT THINK ABOUT IT DONT DONT DONT DONT please god make me a stone!
please, god, if you are merciful, let me erase this one mistake, because it's made me hate myself.
I'll never be pure again. I'm a..........................................
I DONT EVEN KNOW ANYMORE GOD HELP ME PLEASE!!!
Let me die. Or let me erase my mistakes.
Let there be another chance at hope, or beauty. I fear I'll be hitting 200 pounds soon unless I can get over it.