Thursday, April 10, 2008

Thinking Back

Nostalgia is what I am feeling, I think. Today, I tried, really truly tried, not to think about Andrea in he hops the day would go faster. No dice. It was...excruciating, the moments I wasn't thinking about her. So, at all times, even if it's just in my subcounsicious, I am vaugley aware. I have decided to get it all out of my system in this werid, nostalgic post. So deal wit it!!!! Okay, lets think here....
First day I met Andrea. The breath was litterally knocked out of me when she walked into frist period science on Friday. She hadn't been at the orientation- trust me, I was memorizing faces FAST. The orientation was mostly full of prim and proper preps *Shudder*. Anyways, this girl was...diffrent. Her clothes were diffrent, but not weird, and she smelled...ohmigawd. It's like the Edward/Bella science class, seriously. I had wondered why no one else was turing to see this crying, shaking figure be escorted into the room by the principal. She sat directly behind me. I said "Hi! My name's Tizri." She whimpered. Ms. Smith gave us a moment to be crazy, for whatever reason- I think she went in the back room to get something. I scooted my chair to her table. "Are you okay? Can I help?" I asked leading, poliet questions. Things any concerned person would ask. And, at 5'7", she wasn't really hard to miss. More whimpering on her part, with some head-shaking. I thought she was "Special". Turns out she was, but not in any way I could have ever guessed. However, while I was making one-sided concered smalltalk, I had to remind myself, for the first time in my life, to keep breatheing. I knew...I knew, somehow, that THIS particular person, this girl, was not someone I would let go of this easily. Most people, I would ask if I could help, they said no, we part ways. I KNEW I could get to this girl, who's name I didn't even know, if I was persistant. So dear god, I was. I sat near her every day from there on in, until one day she finally agreed to have lunch with me, after some short, awkward sentences.
She came, clutching a teeny lunch bag to her chest, like that might protect her. We sat on the stone steps near the entrance- (this has now become a sort of gathering point for various misfits wanting to talk to various misfits.) and she was off. I mean, she didn;t shut up for 30 minets. She talked about ANnoher Wonderful Life, a video game I had never heard of. Her voice, once she was relaxed, was melodius and made me just sit there, chewing. So she does speak, is what I kept thinking.
After that, we mostly did lunch every day. And talked. Lots of talking, lots of laughing, lots of screaming as people opened the doors and knocked over our food. Those thirty minets, combined with the hour and a half long science period, made my life worth living, even in the mist of the worst period of my life, ever. This girl, she made me feel whole, like my whole life I was only half a person, wandering around for the other half, stumbling blindly in darkness till I could get there.
When she left school, I cried for days. RIGHT after she left, her friends and I (in the middle of an Opera presentation my Mr. Johnson) threw our heads back and screamed "NO!!!!!" for a whole minet.
We stayed in touch. Adam came and went, nothing more than a blur of rough descriptions and hours of phone minets to me, because the only thing that mattered was Hannah, and her smile.
And now, after school today, I wandered into Ms. Smith's classroom, and touched frist the spot I first saw her, then the spot I first talked to her, then the spot where she first talked to me, and all the spots we sat together, in order, remembering every detail. Remembering how we'd stop whole classes, how we stuck a touch up a Peep's ass, laughing maniaclly, how we had seen the ADD jump roper from Colorado, how we gosspied about Benji, read, lived.
I only touch those stone steps as little as allowed, because all those places I went with her are so charged with memory, it's hard not to just stand there and soak it all up.
Andrea is my savior, I doubt I would be alive without her. At least emotionally. I can't imagine what would have happened if she never came along, if she never broke down that day. I...I can't even imagine how I could have ever lived without her.

Now that I have gotten at least a little bit out of my system, mabye I can hold on till Saturday, at 945 AM. Hopefully.

Hey, Andy, if any of my memories are wrong, correct me, kk?

1 comment:

Cracked Mirror said...

I go smile!!! I go BIG smile!!! Mawsitsit! (my new word for cool) Mawsitsit!!! (don't ask why... :P )