Still No Sleep

And God DAMMIT, I'm a sucker for pain. I keep doing things I know will be emotionally painful. Why? Why the fuck do I think this is a good idea?
I got Left 4 Dead, so the time passes ever so slightly faster.
Benji's gone again. This time, though, he admitted to missing his friends. And he now hugs, and listens to SOME music! He even calls snacks "snackrifices". Progress! I'm so excited! He might graduate high school wise to the ways of the world!
Baby steps... next up... *drum roll*... FEMALE CONTACT!
Ow ow ow. Emotional pain just became physical, as in, now it feels like there is lead shot in my throat and stomach. Ow ow fuck ow.
I need a crush... that would help a bit... mindless, useless pining over someone keeps the mind busy during these mind numbingly dull bits of summer.
I'm pretty sure the next time I see Andy, I'll fall for her all over again, so I'm trying to constantly remind myself why I CANNOT do that. I have very good ones. But as they say, the heart is an idiot.
Plus, I don't want to be a mass of jelly on the first day of high school, 'cause I'm already missing Freshman orientation. (Fuck you, dad!) I'm determined to look my Gothic best.
Life... seems so meaningless without friends. All my friends... gone. Mostly. Benji's still my friend, but now he's gone. AGAIN. I'm not talking to Samantha for my own sanity, no matter how much it hurts not to. Plus, her mom... thinks I'm crazy. I'm scared of her. And Alma's all...weird since The Thing, so I try to stay away, because it sucks balls to be hanging around someone you don't like who desperately likes you. A-w-k-w-a-r-d. And one of my cats died. George. The one I picked out myself. Some guy thought he was a raccoon and ran over him.(Fuck you, random guy!)
So, basically it's my porn, Sims and zombie game that keep me company. I am lonely, very very lonely. Author that writes my life, please fucking pick up the ball! I'm desperate!
I'm lonely enough that I'm a tad loopy, just a tad.
Sorry this post is long and ranting and not creative.
I have no creativity at the moment.
Good Naught.