Andrea

I love you. I love you more than air, than food, than water.
But I think I might die if I don't know;
do you love me too?

Midnight

Its almost midnight.
I'm not even vaugely tired.

My mind is running in impossible circles, and the only two options I have aren't execptable. One; run away like the coward I am, throw away the one thing that matters to me most. Break up with Andrea. It took me twenty minets to type those four words, because even the mere thought of doing that stabs giant holes in my chest. Option Two; live through summer, knowing I'll see Andy in the fall. Not okay. I'm in enough pain as/is. The other options all make no sense or require bending of reality to come true.

I don't know whats happening to me. It's a bit early for PMS- as a matter of fact, freakishly early, so that's been discounted. Sleep. I have to sleep. My mind is still going in torturing cricles, slowly stripping away whatever limited concept of sanity I have left. I need a distraction, something I can throw myself into to occupy my body and mind.

I need to throw a party.

That's what I'll do. A sleepover- june 8-9. A twilight themed party. With Lucy. And lots of weird things. Go Alice on their asses. I will plan an epic party. I will endure till june 9th planning my party. Then Elena will arrive; my mind will clear. Or not. It might fog up more.

It's days like this I regret giving up cutting. Pain takes away every other emotion and lets your mind be clear, for once, to think. I need a clear head right now. How do I get one?

Belongings

What belongs to me?
Do my eyes?
My hair?
My skin?
My heart?
No.
They all belong to someone else.
I'd like them back now,
please.

That Girl

I'm just spewing words.

I'm too hot-
molten lava drips across my skin.
I'm too cold-
my heart feels ready to stop beating.
I'm too awake-
my stomach lurches, my limbs twitch.
I'm too asleep-
I haven't moved for hours.
I'm too quiet-
I don't say what matters most.
I'm too loud-
I say what you don't want to hear.
I think its too late for me,
that girl
the one who's glassy eyed and wanders
unseeing
but who always sees too much.

SUMMER!!!!!

Well, its officialy been 2.5 hours of summer vacation, and I'm bored. WoW's busy, I can't play sims, I have no new books to read, and I'm

B

O

R

E

D

!

!

!

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, To Poop in Peace!

I went to the doctor's 2 days ago. I will spare you the gruseome details.

Meh...*shudders*

*Blerhg*

Blergh. I got WoW running. I'm tired...and have stomach flu...and I miss my Andy!!!!

Mom had a party with some of her college students last night, it was fun!!! I'll show u the vid I made soon, i interviewed them all to become president!

Birthday Madness!!!

Happy birthday dear Rob, happy birthday dear Rob, happy birthday dear fucking hot vampire boy, happy birthday dear rob!!!
Lets here a big happy b day for Robert!!!! W00t!!!

In other news...I'M GOING TO THE TWILIGHT MIDNIGHT RELEASE!!!!!! ITS MY BDAY PARTY!!!!! ALL MY FRIENDS ARE INVITED!!!!!!! Also, I'm attending the Breaking Dawn midnight release, which you are all also invited to partake in. Especially members of my coven. ;)

Attendence for both of these events is optional. However, only an idiot or someone who hates being with other people would pass this up.

Leave a comment!!!!!! Comments make me squeal with joy!!!

NOOOOOO!!!!

I HAVE NO WORLD OF WARCRAFT UNTIL CRO GETS BACK BECAUSE HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS HIS PASSWORD SO I CAN GET INTO HIS ACCOUNT AND DOWNLOAD THE PATCH!!!!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ANYWAys, I'm home sick 2day. Yay! Great fun! *eye roll*

Creepy...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRALvxgKIi0
Can any1 explain why my name is the oNLY tag 4 this? Thxs!

Tizri The Tiger!!!!!!!

lol, i can't tell if Andy likes my idea about the nose stud or not. Who cares? I did blood typing without screaming, freaking, pulling away, or even thinking about how much it would hurt. Awesome diamond stud- here I come!!!!

Okay, this issue has been bugging me for ages, so I decided to blog and blog and blog about it. Leah's writing a story, about how all of us have been genetically engineered and shit. I looove it- except- I dont have wings, when other people do! :(

I got over that, though. Even though every time I think about my inability to fly, I get this pain in my chest like someone decided to carve a giant hole right about where my liver should be.

How do I deal? I get A FUCKING TON of awesome powers!!! Like, more than Angel has!!!!! Happy!!!! Hrm...I'm like a tiger/human mix, so I have claws, a murderous rage, the ability to read minds, and more stuff that is to be decided.

Hey, Leah, if Ellie was kind enough to email you this post (WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE ELLIE) I have three things I would loooooooove to have. One: The ability to run like a maniac, awesome strength (both very cat-like features) and the ability to change my eye/hair color. Note: these are suggestions, as in if it screws up your plot or whatever, completely and utterly ignore them, please. They would just be really freaking cool.

What else, what else? I'm the guinea pig of Benji's latest expiriment, but there's not much to tell on that yet because I have no idea whatsoever he is going to do.

I saw Chorus Line yesterday- YAY!!! Great play!!! Don't want to blog about it!!!!

LOL, I relized I am fucking strong. I mean, on Saturday I had a voice recital, and I was really nervous, so I dug my nails into the (concrete) wall and gripped hard, and then *crack* a CHUNK OF SOLID CONCRETE WALL was in my hand. I put it back in, and smoothed the wall around it with my thumbs so it would look kinda normal...ish. And today in LA I was pissed as hell, so I slammed my (free!!!!!) copy of Eclipse aginst the bookselves-twice. and It cracked into two- twice. Oops... can NORMAL people rip off chunks of wall and book like that?

I've had a fever for two months and counting now, so I'm just assuming I run at 99.8 ferenheight normally, because it makes me so damn overheated! Ugh, its so damn hot all the time...if the freak weather here would snow 2nite I would love that!!

I'm developing abs and upper arm muscle!!!! All that swinging is paying off!! I love myself!!!

Its weird..I used to be this total weakling, not even able to lift heavy (20 lbs+) stuff, and now I'm ripping chunks of wall off and growing muscles and hauling our 170 lbs lovesack with ease. Lets hear it for hormones, people! That lovesack weighs more than I do, jeez...

Wow this is a long post. Ellie has a boyfriend named Reece's Pieces. No, his name is Reece, but whenever I hear that I think about peanut buttery chocolatey goodness.

Arthur's taking me shopping soon. He wants me to wear things other than a t shirt and jeans. He wanted to take me to Hollister, but I violently refused. I may not be emo, but I sure as HELL will NEVER be prep. (Is prep short for something?)

Cyas!!

Godamn Leprechauns, Godamn Leprechauns

Updates:

1. I;m soooo sorry I forgot ur bday, Mouse!!!!! Happy insanely belated birthday!!!!
2. Given up on the emo thing. I like life too much to hate it.
3. Blood typing in Science today. I promised myself if I can do this w/o freaking out, then I will get my nose pierced.

Afraid

I'm scared. Normally I would go on a rant and sevral tangents, but I dont have much time here. I'm so so, so so, so so, so so, sorry to the person I hurt. U kno who u are


please, if u forgive me, leave it in the comments. or if u dont, leave it in the comments.

Meh

Meh. I have nothing 2 report. so meh.

I'm a bit paranoid

Andy's been netdead and isnt doing a bday thing. That's ok, its just the present i got her was kinda expensive... and she didnt respond to any of my i love u's anymore... and she seems kinda out of it...
i'm just being paranoid, i pray...
i hope....

STARFEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHEEEEEEE!!! Starfest! Starfest!!! I just got back!!!!!
:) :) :) :)
Okay, so quick run down of what happened.
I met a new friend! Her name is Robin and she's 16 and is homeschooled and loves yaoi and firefly and writing and star trek.
I got some GREAT advice from many a writing panel.
I bought a shitload of new stuff!!! My favorite is the button that says "Alchemy: It only costs you an arm and a leg!"
I got a beer bottle thrown at me!!!!
I hugged Adam Baldwin twice, asked him 2 questions, and got a photo!
Saw Michelle Nichelles!!!! (I KNOW thats not how u spell it)


The only damper on my day is the fact Andy hasnt emailed me in more than a week and now shes syaing on her blog that she can write whatever she wants. Did I do something wrong? If so, i'm so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry!!!

I'm sure I'm just being paranoid...

Celebrity Morph by MyHeritage

MyHeritage: Celebrity Morph - Family history - Free family tree software

Celebrity Morph by MyHeritage

MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celebrity

I look like celebreties!

Thinking Back

Nostalgia is what I am feeling, I think. Today, I tried, really truly tried, not to think about Andrea in he hops the day would go faster. No dice. It was...excruciating, the moments I wasn't thinking about her. So, at all times, even if it's just in my subcounsicious, I am vaugley aware. I have decided to get it all out of my system in this werid, nostalgic post. So deal wit it!!!! Okay, lets think here....
First day I met Andrea. The breath was litterally knocked out of me when she walked into frist period science on Friday. She hadn't been at the orientation- trust me, I was memorizing faces FAST. The orientation was mostly full of prim and proper preps *Shudder*. Anyways, this girl was...diffrent. Her clothes were diffrent, but not weird, and she smelled...ohmigawd. It's like the Edward/Bella science class, seriously. I had wondered why no one else was turing to see this crying, shaking figure be escorted into the room by the principal. She sat directly behind me. I said "Hi! My name's Tizri." She whimpered. Ms. Smith gave us a moment to be crazy, for whatever reason- I think she went in the back room to get something. I scooted my chair to her table. "Are you okay? Can I help?" I asked leading, poliet questions. Things any concerned person would ask. And, at 5'7", she wasn't really hard to miss. More whimpering on her part, with some head-shaking. I thought she was "Special". Turns out she was, but not in any way I could have ever guessed. However, while I was making one-sided concered smalltalk, I had to remind myself, for the first time in my life, to keep breatheing. I knew...I knew, somehow, that THIS particular person, this girl, was not someone I would let go of this easily. Most people, I would ask if I could help, they said no, we part ways. I KNEW I could get to this girl, who's name I didn't even know, if I was persistant. So dear god, I was. I sat near her every day from there on in, until one day she finally agreed to have lunch with me, after some short, awkward sentences.
She came, clutching a teeny lunch bag to her chest, like that might protect her. We sat on the stone steps near the entrance- (this has now become a sort of gathering point for various misfits wanting to talk to various misfits.) and she was off. I mean, she didn;t shut up for 30 minets. She talked about ANnoher Wonderful Life, a video game I had never heard of. Her voice, once she was relaxed, was melodius and made me just sit there, chewing. So she does speak, is what I kept thinking.
After that, we mostly did lunch every day. And talked. Lots of talking, lots of laughing, lots of screaming as people opened the doors and knocked over our food. Those thirty minets, combined with the hour and a half long science period, made my life worth living, even in the mist of the worst period of my life, ever. This girl, she made me feel whole, like my whole life I was only half a person, wandering around for the other half, stumbling blindly in darkness till I could get there.
When she left school, I cried for days. RIGHT after she left, her friends and I (in the middle of an Opera presentation my Mr. Johnson) threw our heads back and screamed "NO!!!!!" for a whole minet.
We stayed in touch. Adam came and went, nothing more than a blur of rough descriptions and hours of phone minets to me, because the only thing that mattered was Hannah, and her smile.
And now, after school today, I wandered into Ms. Smith's classroom, and touched frist the spot I first saw her, then the spot I first talked to her, then the spot where she first talked to me, and all the spots we sat together, in order, remembering every detail. Remembering how we'd stop whole classes, how we stuck a touch up a Peep's ass, laughing maniaclly, how we had seen the ADD jump roper from Colorado, how we gosspied about Benji, read, lived.
I only touch those stone steps as little as allowed, because all those places I went with her are so charged with memory, it's hard not to just stand there and soak it all up.
Andrea is my savior, I doubt I would be alive without her. At least emotionally. I can't imagine what would have happened if she never came along, if she never broke down that day. I...I can't even imagine how I could have ever lived without her.


Now that I have gotten at least a little bit out of my system, mabye I can hold on till Saturday, at 945 AM. Hopefully.


Hey, Andy, if any of my memories are wrong, correct me, kk?

Post the PostIt

I found a rly good qoute by Edgar Allen Poe 2day. it was something like "I became insane with long insuferable periods of sanity". That pretty muchs sums it up dont u think?
I have nothing to do. I'm suffering panic attacks, so its insanely, tremedously hard for me to hold a train of thought at the moment. Its like Andy withdrawl. :'(
I shouldnt be posting now, in my current state, but oh. freaking. well. I want to. I gained back the weight I originally dropped, going back on my diet 2day. *shudder*. Not fun. Oh well, at least I'm still a 14, but I have like 20 lbs to go until i'm "healthy". I hate the government. I can't hold a train of thought. I also appear to be having some sort of memeory losss, because I cant remeber why I started to write this post in the first place. Should I get dressed? Oh no wait I just did...

I'm just writing now because the clicky-clack-clicky of the keyboard is better than the overwhelming silence of being utterly and completely alone.

Andy, andy, andy, andy, andy, andy I MISS YOU!!!! COME BACK SOON!! WE WILL DO SOMETHING THIS WEEKEND I HOPE!!!!!!!!!!

I need you...

ICE CREAM!!!!!

I am sitting here, enjoying the first ice cream from the truck of the season!!!

YAY!!!!!!!

*sigh*

Fine, fine. constructive critisizm is fine. I just normally dont even show my poetry to my closest friends. Its made me...vunerable, showing something this private to the world. Sorry for going off the handle. I just need to get used to the fact people want to hear what I have to say.
:0 Just, try to be gentle, and dont outright flame me, kk?

Metaphorically speaking, of course

Mr. Wright made us write a right extended metaphor poem (sry about the liberal rhyming there)

I had to cobble something together, because the ACTUAL poem I had going through my head was not something I was about to share. I'll post it hear because I feel like it, goddamit. So if you don't like it: THIS IS MY GORRAM BLOG!!! I WILL POST WHAT EVER THE HELL I WANT TO!!! DONT CRITIZISE SOMETHING YOU WERNT EVEN REQUIRED TO READ!!!
DO NOT READ IF: You do not enjoy shitty poetry, romantic poetry, Andy, metaphors, people trying and failing to sound deep.


Andrea is good news
always changing
suprising
but never unwelcome

Andrea is hope
keeping you up for hours
tracing her name in your pillow
waiting

Andrea is warmth
helping you going through snow
feeling that if you could be in her arms
forever
things would work out

Andrea, to me, is perfect.

Just Some Words

It's well past my bedtime, but some words keep popping into my head: they may be shit, but I NEED to let them out.

The diffrence between
me and the next girl,
is that the next girl
is not me.

I want to fly because
at fifteen thousand feet,
people care more about freedom
and less about who you like to kiss.

I g2g- the parenst discovered me.

Benjamin Sisko

CONGRATS!! If you're reading this, you are not a loser!
THE REASON BENJAMIN SISKO IS NOT IN MY STAR TREK CAPTAIN'S QUIZ IS AS FOLLOWS:
I have not seen DS9 yet!! I'm still plowing through Voyager!!! As soon as I see enough DS9 to get the characters, I promise, I will add him!! Hang tight, folks!

Nancy Boy

It's a song...about Brian Molko....growing up bi. I LOVE IT!!!

I draw the line here

My mother keeps telling me Andy has too much "emotional control" over me. She says next year ANDY, of all people, will force me to leave my other friends to be with her. Uhmm.... WTF!? Andrea would never, EVER do that to me. I know this. For fact.
You've taken a lot from me, mom, I draw the line here.

Popular, I'm gonna make you popular!

WOW!!! My OKCupid profile is much liked! So are my tests!!
If you are a fellow OkCupid user, welcome to my blog and my brainpan!

I feel so loved....:D

Richard Jr.

Yay!!! I met a new friend at Star Trek: The Expirience 2day! (He was scared shitless on the borg invasion ride... i led him thru the klingon ride and gave him the roughest seat in the house, teehee!)

He's officially my fourth emo-bi-cutter-animefreak friend (well, fourth that I've made, there are only three left now.)

And as an added bonus: he's cute as all get out! (No worries Andy, I told him I had GF)

So yea...i g2g, my madre dosent want me on too long.

Savage Garden

OMG

I TOLD MY DAD I'M BI. HOLY SHIT. HE IS THE GUY I TRUST THE LEAST IN THE WORLD AND HE KNOOOOWS!!!!
fuck
fuck
fuck

If it wern't for Andrea (I love you! (this much!)) and Loose Lips by Kimya Dawson, I would be sobbing now.

I WAS WRONG~!!!

YAY!!!! ANDY DOSENT HATE ME!!!!! SHE WASNT TALKING ABOUT ME!!!!
HAPPY, HAPPY, DAY!!!

Please, if you are merciful, shoot me now

I can't live anymore. I can't do it in this state. Andy hates me. I'm her main antagonist. Because I didn't like Maximum Ride four. I- I'm at a complete and utter loss for words, for the first time in my life, I am stunned into silence. I feel like puking. Puking and cutting. Cutting deep enough to see a little river of crimson blood seep through my brand-new chain pants- deep enough to somehow gouge out this feeling of utter emptiness, of sadness. I love Andrea. I love her so much there is very little I wouldn't do for her- nothing I wouldn't do for her. An hour dosen't go by where I don't think of her- and she hates me. I am her antagonist. Please, please, please, if you're a merciful, save-the-puppies kind of person, shoot me now. This pain is cruel, I'm living in a cruel state of being, a state when I am no longer capable of helping even myslef. Please shoot me now.
Oh, god, why do I have to be such a self centered pig?! Why did I post that post? Why do I try to plan things at the last minet? Why do I let me grades slip away without caring?
No ammount of blood could make me feel better now.
Please kill me, or I'll have to do it myself.

Something More

There is ALWAYS something more to aim for. I finally got my chain pants today- suprise!- I'm not allowed to wear them out of the house. I...just want so much for for my look. For my life.



God. I hate myself sometimes.