A Crappy Poem

Still
The home isn't
yet stay still godammit
still
listen
run.
Run.
Not because of moral conventions
or of turbulent connections
or even of medicinal expectations.
Just run.
It'll be ok.
Running isn't too hard
just go. Run away.
I'll be at the finish line
waiting.

WHEEE

Alright, get your squeeling ready

I'm dating Matt! The most unbelivably amazing guy I know! He's into me!


EEEEE!

Audition Peice

I think... theese two would be good 4 the band audition.

4 piano and 4 vocals

Matt, Matt

Matt! He's amazing. And incredibly hot. And not going to date ever again because his heart was once broken.
Crap in a hat!
I've made some friends, Sage, Laurien, Cameron L, Cameron, Hannah, Sophie. Yay!

No word yet on why Benji's being such a grump.

Gotta go- homework.

Flowers

A peculiar thing happened to me.

I was on the island where my family had the reunion. There was a vase full of flowers. And, I don't know how, or why, I could see their life. It was buzzing around, like static, only not. It was their life. I looked up, to see if anyone else saw this, but no one did. Their clouds of life were huge. They were completely engulfed in them- like the snow on TV you get when you're on a bad channel. I could barely make out their faces. The flowers were right there. Gently, slowly, I touched a petal. Nothing. Its life stayed put. My cousins were asking me something- I don't remember. I didn't respond. Quickly, I pulled off a petal. Its life ripped from the rest in an awful, velcro like sound. The energy faded. It was fading. It would dissapear soon. I popped the petal in my mouth, punctured one delicate end with my cannine. Wham. The energy of the petal buzzed into me, a sharp flash of sense, then nothing. It was a strange thing. As soon as I bit down, killing the petal, I heard a fizzling and a popping and a... dissolveing of the life from the petal. Into me.
My cousins asked me why I ate the flower. I couldn't say. The husk of what once was a petal lay, motionless, in my mouth.
Wanna hear a secret? I ate flowers the rest of the trip. Grass, too. I would suck them of their life then spit the shell out. Food... no longer gave me energy to proceed. No energy. Just a shell we eat. The fizziness faded around me, and eventually I could just call it up whenever I wanted.

But now, in school, it's back. Everyone is static. The pure life force of them astounds me, and if I could... but I wouldn't.

Am I Wrong?

Anonymous Commenter

Hello and welcome! Feel free to email me, though I never check my email. I'm MistCover on Steam, if you play.

Who the fuck are you? 

HOW DID YOU FIND MY BLOG?!?!?

Clusterfuck of Sparkles

Alright, I'm sick of people wondering why the fuck I don't like the Twilight series. I'm fourteen, single, and in blossom. Why don't I want to fuck a marble statue or read a giddy romance?
Well, I will now outline my reasons in clear, easy to read format.

1. They Are Not Vampires
Seriously. They couldn't be LESS of a vampire. Everyone drinks animal blood. It's called steak, or meat, or anything, really, has blood in it. Vampires die in the sunlight. Vampires are not venomous. How one becomes a vampire is under hot debate, but it's not poison. Nope. No way. Not gonna happen. Vampires drink human blood. They have fangs. Vampirism is a curse, not a blessing. True, you may get some supernatural abilities if you're well fed, but other than that, you're fucked because you'll live forever, see all that shit, watch all your friends die and kill a ton of people. Ever wonder why real vampires are insane? Because being a vampire is one of the least pleasant things I can imagine. I cannot stress this point enough. And no, it is not Ms. Meyer's "imagining" of vampires. Anne Rice reimagined the vampire, but all the basics were there, and her vampires did not fundamentally change the way vampires work. Your vampires are an insult to vampires everywhere. Meyers wanted angsty, hot teenagers, and the safest kind of danger possible. Please! Your "vampires" are dark superheros. That's a legit genre.
Next we'll have zombies that don't eat brains.

2. Overt Sexism
Translation: Bella is nothing without her man. SO much of a nothing that she tries to die and litterally has no fucking clue what she's doing unless he's around. Edward hurts her, abuses her, beats her, yet this is all somehow OK because he says he does it "because I love you." Sound familiar?

3. We Don't Need Wannabes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep up with all these new hopefuls? Twelve and thirteen year old girls, bent on becoming a sparkle-fest, seek vampirism. Hell, my initiator has set up this policy to show all new hopefuls the true horrors of vampires before she even CONSIDERS them. Usually, we keep the blood and guts and pain away from the hopefuls until it's too late for them to change their mind. Now we hope they change their mind, since we don't allow under eighteens. (Don't ask how I got in.) They ask us to go out into the sun, wonder why we sleep in coffins, shriek at the sight of the... *ahem*... messier details of our lives. It's horrible. They're barely time for hunting during the blood hours with all these idiots hovering about.

4. We Don't Need Wannabes, Part Two
Also, the goth/blood doll community dos not need you. You look like a tool trying to fit in.

5. The "Stories" Have No Plot
The entire series is pretty much an ode to hot guys.

6. All The "Vampires" Are Wimps
In all the books, the bad guys go running after a stare-down. That's right, the mighty non vampires STARE AT EACH OTHER AS A TURF WAR. Also, the closest thing we get to scary, or vampire, in the whole series is a rip off of Anne Rice. At the end of New Moon, the Volturi... are basically just Anne Rice's characters made shitty and given different names. It's like somebody went "oh, shit! How did we end up in good literature?! Quickly! Revert back!" And the Volturi promptly vanish. What the FUCK. Also, if you're gonna rip off Lestat and Louis, then at the very least don't make them total angst ridden cardboard cutouts.


Feel free to make an argument against me. I will promptly tear it to shreds.

Still No Sleep

And God DAMMIT, I'm a sucker for pain. I keep doing things I know will be emotionally painful. Why? Why the fuck do I think this is a good idea?
I got Left 4 Dead, so the time passes ever so slightly faster.
Benji's gone again. This time, though, he admitted to missing his friends. And he now hugs, and listens to SOME music! He even calls snacks "snackrifices". Progress! I'm so excited! He might graduate high school wise to the ways of the world!
Baby steps... next up... *drum roll*... FEMALE CONTACT!
Ow ow ow. Emotional pain just became physical, as in, now it feels like there is lead shot in my throat and stomach. Ow ow fuck ow.
I need a crush... that would help a bit... mindless, useless pining over someone keeps the mind busy during these mind numbingly dull bits of summer.
I'm pretty sure the next time I see Andy, I'll fall for her all over again, so I'm trying to constantly remind myself why I CANNOT do that. I have very good ones. But as they say, the heart is an idiot.
Plus, I don't want to be a mass of jelly on the first day of high school, 'cause I'm already missing Freshman orientation. (Fuck you, dad!) I'm determined to look my Gothic best.
Life... seems so meaningless without friends. All my friends... gone. Mostly. Benji's still my friend, but now he's gone. AGAIN. I'm not talking to Samantha for my own sanity, no matter how much it hurts not to. Plus, her mom... thinks I'm crazy. I'm scared of her. And Alma's all...weird since The Thing, so I try to stay away, because it sucks balls to be hanging around someone you don't like who desperately likes you. A-w-k-w-a-r-d. And one of my cats died. George. The one I picked out myself. Some guy thought he was a raccoon and ran over him.(Fuck you, random guy!)
So, basically it's my porn, Sims and zombie game that keep me company. I am lonely, very very lonely. Author that writes my life, please fucking pick up the ball! I'm desperate!
I'm lonely enough that I'm a tad loopy, just a tad.
Sorry this post is long and ranting and not creative.
I have no creativity at the moment.
Good Naught.

Ren Fest

Same as it ever was. Tyler and Ali didn't make much of a difference. I'm just glad we didn't have to leave early this time. This time, even though it rained, we stayed.
I'm fucking tired. I haven't slept in over a week. I can't sleep.

Redshift Radio

Their gig last night was EPIC. Their singer can't sing, but Tyler kicks ass on the guitar!
He even made a Punchout reference!

Don't Piss Off Randall Munroe (XKCD Author)

Summer

It is making me loopy. I'm sweating, and unable to replace fluids quickly enough, so I am lightheaded and sleepy. Plus, my new meds make it hard for me to hold a train of thought or remember what the hell I just did/said/saw. I eat pizza and ice cream and chai and sweat. That's pretty much it. I cannot go to Sam's B-Day party. That's OK. I don't want to go to a party where all I hear all day is "Oh, I wish Sean were here, but oh, he can't be, because you're here, oh!" Let Sean deal with it. She'll have a great time. It'll be great.
I'm sweating. Godamnit.
Placebo's new alblum is epic. I miss Samuel. I miss Benji. I miss Samantha.

When I have something usefull to say, I'll be back.

Good Naught!

I Think God Ordered A Recall

A recall on famous people. Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcette, and Billy Mays, all in three days. Sheeeeet!

Finally

I'm verbally abusing daddy dearest so I can get tickets to go to Michigan this summer to be at my grandparent's 50th anniversary party/ whole family reunion/ whole family portrait.

What's strange is, that dosen't strike me as strange. Just part of the routine. So I'm telling him, no, I will NOT fly in at four in the morning on my first day of high school. I'll fly in at six pm. Tops.

Sims 3 is fun, but insanely addictive. I've spent over 200 hours on it already.

To all future employers: Hi! If mom's right, you're reading this. Let me assure you, that the rants and crankiness of a 12+ version of my self have no reflection whatsoever on the person I am today, when I'm trying to get you to hire me. I have never, to my knowledge, participated in any illegal activities.

Also, I'm single. Ellie is, too, now. Samantha was bitten by Sean He won't even say he's sorry. I want him to beg. HIs mother chewed me out thoughroly for not saying positive things to her son. Boo Hoo. I told her he bit his girlfriend, and that the bite brought her weeks of heartache.

My neck feels empty, because all I charms I once carried around with me from friends have one by one dissapeared. I keep fingering my neck, waiting for something to appear.

I go to court soon.

Good naught.

Monolauge of roughly the last 4 and a half hours

THE BOREDOM....

IT IS OVERWHELMING!

Wow... day 3 of Summer Vacation and I'm bored. I need a graphing calculator. One of the rly good ones like M Black has.

That would be nice.
Or the Sims 3.
Or Left 4 Dead.
Or Fallout 3.
Or House seasons 1, 2, 3.
Or all of Voyager.

Lol, it's May-June and I'm making my Christmas list.

Fail.

*sigh* bored... should ask Andy over... tomorrow. *sigh*
I've been awake for 4 and a half hours and I'm already tired again.

*sigh*
Maybe I should plug in my iPod. iPod is turning up as misspelled on this automatic spell checker.

Nah, I just want the calculator. I could make a text game where you die in increasingly interesting ways, depending on how long you survive the game. That would be fun.

I need to shower. When was the last time I showered? It was Wensday. What day is it today? Saturday? Shit. I need a shower. ARGH! I need to email my XO and the Flt Admiral, they're going to kill me. Ack.

I should go.

Until I'm Fixed

Well... I...

I...

why does this always happen to me right before the summer? Why do my friends leave? Am I unlikeable? Do they see how broken I am, how no amount of patience could fix?

Mom wants me hospitilized. The reasoning is, I'm a danger to myself and to others. She says I need to be in an institution until I get better, until I get control. She told me I just had to say the word, and we'd be off. She said if I was ever that violent again, we'd be going, regardless.

The thing is, I want to go. I want every day to be structured, to know just where and when I'll be. To have a horde of kind people fixing me, taking the pieces and carefully gluing them back unto the whole. Until I'm better. Until I'm fixed. Day one of summer: I'm going. Goodbye.

Ah, Carp.

Mom: not as idiotic as I thought.


Cover: Blown

The pathetic thing is

I have no reason to be in love, yet I am.

The pathetic thing is

I'm an activist for what I know is wrong.

The pathetic thing is

my family can never share my loves.

The pathetic thing is

I'm sure they'd rather I be pregnant.

The pathetic thing is

I am selfish and go instantly for what I want.

The pathetic things is

I pay no attention to the fact I hurt people on the way.

The pathetic thing is

I fish for attention and praise because I'm sure no one would give me any otherwise.

The pathetic thing is

I speak too much.

The pathetic thing is

I say I don't care, but three digits on a scale mean more to me than my next meal.

The pathetic thing is

I swallow pills to make me happy and still feel sad.

The pathetic thing is

I know my friends would find my life dull, so I make up exciting bits.

The pathetic thing is

I can't remember which lies I've told who.

The pathetic thing is

I only tell my most embarassing things, never the important ones.

The pathetic thing is

I always talk about myself, even when I don't mean to.

The pathetic thing is

I no longer care about school, I'm sure I'll just waste my money on Zoloft and Steam games.

The pathetic thing is

I can't manage relationships and dictate my friend's.

The pathetic thing is

NOT Andrea.

iPod Awnsers

Here we go.

1. Copy/paste questions
2. Set iPod on "shuffle"
3. For every question, the next song is your awnser.
4. DO NOT BLAME ME FOR MY AWNSERS.

INTO THE BREACH!


If everyone says, "everything is well," what do you say?
Loose Lips- Kimya Dawson

What best describes your personality?
Spotlight- Mute Math

What suits you today?
Have To Drive- Amanda Palmer (True.... slow, depressing, and absorbed in the piano)

What is your goal in life?
I Hate You All- Smile Time (Uhhhh)

What is your motto?
Un American- Play Whenever (Sorta...)

What do your friends think of you?
Catholic Scars and Chocolate Bars- Flickerstick

What do you think about often?
What Can I Tell You?- Local H (YES!)

How much is 2 + 2?
Living Dead Girl- Rob Zombie (Ohkay then)

What do you think of your best friends?
Barely (If At All)- The Verve Pipe (True at the moment)

What do you think of the person you like?
That's The Way (My Love Is) - Smashing Pumpkins

What is the history of your life?
Still Alive- Portal (It's hard to overstate my satisfaction..... we do what we must, because, we can.... for the good of all of us, except the ones who are dead! But there's no sense crying over every mistake, you just keep on trying till u run out of cake! And the SCIENCE gets done and you make a neat gun for the people who are Still Alive!)

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Bruise Pristine- Placebo *Once More With Feeling* (Hey, that kinda makes sense!)

What will you do when you meet the person you like?
Crimes- A Perfect Circle (I do think of the M word, which is a CRIME)

What do your parents think of you?
Waking Up In Vegas- Katy Perry (WTF)

What will you dance to in your wedding?
Lucky Time- Local H (YES)

What music will play during your funeral?
I Know Your Name- Lemon Demon (YES)

What is your pastime?
Pest- A Perfect Circle

What is your biggest secret?
Dirty Business- The Dresden Dolls (Oddly appropriate)

What do you think of your friends?
Blue- A Perfect Circle (Ask me tomorrow and the awnser will be diff)

What is the worsProxy-Connection: keep-alive
Cache-Control: max-age=0

thing that could happen?
All Apologies- Nirvana

How will you die?
Slave To The Wage- Placebo

What is the only thing you regret?
Major Tom- I Hate Kate

What makes you laugh?
Weenie Beenie- Foo Fighters

What makes you cry?
The Spine Song- Cake Bake Betty

Who will you marry one day?
A Warm Place- Nine Inch Nails

What scares you the most?
All The Things She Said- T.A.T.U

Does anyone like you?
Castlevania- Minibosses (HUH?)

If you could go back in time, what would you change?
Big Man With A Gun- Nine Inch Nails

What hurts you now?
Dead Is The New Alive- Emilie Autumn

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/diet_book_author_advocates_new_no